This girl is more easily done than said...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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