You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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