okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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