you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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