so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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