seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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