well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
