all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
