He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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