bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
