Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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