So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
