I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
