just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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