Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
