I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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