I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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