He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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