New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
