It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
