When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
foreskin is a definite game changer
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
