i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
