I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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