I want to walk on stilts...naked
I look better un-naked...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
