Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
