you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
