Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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