If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
