I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
