ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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