what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
