I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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