wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
