I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize