Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
