remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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