I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
