i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize