just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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