No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
