Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
