One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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