Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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