So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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