I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
