Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's blow job season.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Randomize
