he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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