i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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