Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize