is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
