Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
