being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
