Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
