A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
