Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Four minutes until I can fart!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
