I will die if light touches me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
