I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
