Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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