Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize