I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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