I'm going to jail i love you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
