im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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