glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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