Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we're so committed to being not committed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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