I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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