im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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