They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
