It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
