it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
