I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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