I think I died a long time ago.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So vagazzling was a success
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
