So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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