chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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