oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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