so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize