how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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