If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
