I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
