OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
