I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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