I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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