when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
