That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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