Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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