I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
