just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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