You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
