Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
