This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
