i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
