Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
