if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
