did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
