There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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