if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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