I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
one might say we're banned from that church
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
