Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
