I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
