my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
