The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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