you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
