Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
