Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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